Talk to yourself? Sanity not madness!

I love the idea that we are made up of many selves – it makes sense to me. I’m not just justifying all those voices inside my head, they really are quite normal! But it can become an internal battle, so perhaps the real question is how do we live happily with them?

The theory is that early on in our childhoods, we all develop a range of primary selves, such as our ‘Protector/Controller’, ‘Perfectionist’, ‘Pusher’ and ‘Pleaser’ to protect the vulnerable child, and enable us to live in the big wide world. The challenge comes when we get stuck living from one, or a limited number, of these selves. Whilst it might feel safe and familiar, it is tiring to spend so much of our energy protecting ourselves. In time, we feel trapped and unable to live fully or happily, to express all of ourselves and achieve our potential.

Hal and Sidra Stone, developed a technique called ‘Voice Dialogue’ in the 70s that helps us accept and integrate these different parts of ourselves. Simply by embodying each self (yes, they have different postures!), giving them a voice and starting a dialogue with them, we hear ourselves differently. This new awareness helps us to step back and embrace more of our ‘selves’, giving us choice over which parts we act and live life from in any given moment.

Why am I sharing this idea? Because it has helped me, and it continually makes a difference to my clients. So, why not stop to listen to the voices that are shouting loudly, or whispering softly, and ask them how they protect you, or what they give you, knowing that they are just one part of you and its OK if you’re stuck in that part right now. If you want to read more, try ‘Embracing Each Other’. 

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  • You’re constantly arguing & every day feels like a battle?
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