I am very happy to see that new divorce reforms will make ‘no fault’ divorce an easier and quicker process, as outlined by the BBC. Some couples I work with are unable to work through to a new phase in their relationship and want or need to separate. The current system invites a ‘blame game’ that is unhelpful and creates more acrimony.
Joint Relationship Responsibility
Most relationships break down because something has happened to the connection between the couple, that neither partner knows how to address or talk about. The result is at some point either one partner is no longer willing to stay with the stuck and limited nature of their relationship, or one or both partners act out in some way that hurts the other and brings change. Both partners share a responsibility for how their relationship arrived at a place where it wasn’t working.
Good News for the Children
I am used to clients talking about who will take the blame, and typically one party takes the blame to speed up the process, whilst often feeling some resentment as it’s not a true reflection. The blame and increased animosity are particularly damaging when there are children involved, and the couple will need to continue to co-parent after they have divorced. So, this should be good news for children of parents who choose to divorce each other. It is also normal, if they have children, to worry that their children will at some point see this document and the one-sided blame as the ‘truth’.
The new changes should also help those who need to leave a relationship due to a partner’s abusive behaviour, whether physical or psychological.
Time for Intimacy Not Divorce?
I hope that we can also raise the understanding in society that at the point where it feels the relationship has ended, that it might just be beginning. That we are meant to move through different phases and that, just when we explore separation and divorce, there is the possibility in many relationships for a richer, deeper and more intimate connection, and a sustainable relationship beyond.
And yes, that’s where I come in and why I am creating new ways, through my webinars, to support couples on this journey.