I had a vision of accessible and affordable webinars that were more than me speaking. I wanted to create a learning experience that enabled participants to relate new understanding directly to their own lives and relationships. For them to gain insight into themselves in their past and current relationships and with lightness and curiosity open the door to new choices and positive change.
Jump in the Deep End or Freeze
I’ve always been a jump in the deep end and ‘go for it’ person, alongside also being a ‘too scared to do anything’ person. Sounds odd perhaps, but both were present within me from a very young age – the courage and the freeze. 2 years ago I was struggling with crippling anxiety and simple things were hard. I could still help people through my work, but I could not do anything new and different. After more deep personal work, I felt freed from the freeze and able to embrace more of me and this led to enormous creative energy.
So I started
I thought of the common patterns I bought awareness to in my client work and how each webinar could be like putting on a different pair of glasses and seeing yourself and your response in relationship from a different perspective. The webinars flowed and I had positive feedback. I was realistic that it would be a small audience initially, and edited them into videos that people could pay to watch when they reached out for support.
Overwhelm & No Socks!
I was learning how Zoom worked, how to create and run effective webinars with the support of a coach & trainer, getting to grips with social media marketing, including using Instagram for the first time, through my Business Girls Network membership, working with a VA team on setting up the backend without knowing what this really meant and distilling 14years of relationship coaching knowledge and experience. And all this on top of my ongoing client work. No wonder I was regularly getting overwhelmed. And don’t laugh, but I had hardly any socks… seriously, my socks had worn through and I’d not had space to buy new ones, as kids and work were taking all my time. As I type they are still on the to do list!
Being self-employed means doing everything yourself, or paying for someone else to do an agreed element with you or for you, but ultimately you have to make the decisions, bring the vision and will, and do much of the grafting. Here I was with my vision, my gut instincts, my creativity and determination and all I’d learned from observing other small business owners over 18 years. I just kept taking the next step and the next.
A few people questioned my approach, but I had a vision, energy for it and everything was flowing and making it possible, so I chose to follow the path I was forging, knowing it probably wasn’t the final destination, but not feeling able to do it a different way in that moment.
Two webinars in and heading fast towards the third and I’ve hit a wall. The tears flow. I put my heart and soul into my work and it hurts to feel it’s not working, not making enough of a difference. I have learned a lot. I know I can create a powerful learning experience, enable connection and distil my relationship knowledge and wisdom in an accessible way. I can dare to be visible, put myself out there and not freeze with fear. I can face my doubts and fears, trust myself and keep going. Yet…
Something’s not working
Yet, I’m also realising that something in the way I’m describing, marketing and creating these webinars is not resonating or connecting. That I’ve got a lot to learn about how to engage people and package this invaluable content.
And so, I reach a dilemma – do I continue with my next two webinars knowing I’m creating rich content and supporting a handful of people who want it now, or do I stop, step back and work out how to repackage and market?
Anyone who is self-employed will know these dilemmas – how lonely and impossible it can feel, how much emotion there is when you put your heart and soul into your work.
The timing of Bréné Brown coming onto Netflix could not have been better. It was like she was speaking to me. Here I was having the Courage to act – I was in the ‘Arena’, bloodied, bruised & at times broken hearted and not always knowing why. But my sense of purpose and aliveness was stronger than ever, and I no longer felt so alone. She speaks of ‘Daring Greatly’ and I know I am as I left my comfort zone a long while back.
I have no idea what comes next right now. I am trusting it will unfold as I keep taking the next step. I will bring what I can and am ready to make more of a difference, even if it means more courage and the vulnerability that comes with this. I trust that every small step takes me closer even if I don’t yet know the full how.
In being vulnerable with you now it gives me something that grounds me again; Connection. Connection with myself and connection with you. And as Bréné says, ‘that’s what we’re here for.’ And it is the most basic human need. And I bring connection in my webinars around really tough subjects, that people don’t often talk about openly.
Sometimes we don’t know when people are struggling in their relationships as it can feel unspeakable and vulnerable. So, if you want others to know about relationship support, then please share my facebook or Linkedin posts and increase the possibility of them knowing there are things they can do to help themselves.
My Learnings so far
- Keep doing my personal work
- Learning curves include downs and it’s about finding the way through
- Keep clear on my vision, feel the fear and do it any way
- Keep mindful of looking after myself
- Reach out and ask for help
- Courage and vulnerability aren’t easy but are very rewarding
- Socks are really important – they keep you grounded and warm!